I feel like im out of touch a little bit with the project, perhaps its because I didnt manage to write anything yesterday that i feel somehow disconnected...or maybe its more tiredness and exhaustion than actual disconnection.
I sometimes feel like I need to come up with philosophical and really insightful posts everyday to keep myself and everyone who reads this blog interested in what i'm doing, because otherwise no one is gonna bother reading it. Sometimes my ego can have me over and it would tell me that writing this blog is just a cheap attempt of getting some attention, that I dont actually have anything valuable to say, that the way I write is crap and that nobody wants to hear about it anyway. So to overcome this I would then think that I have to write something really special and exciting every day to compensate for my ego thoughts and to 'prove' the fact that I do write about meaningful things.
This kind of ego talk can get very loud at times, so loud that it would stop me (and has done so a lot in my past) from doing the things that I actually want to do. For example, in the past it has stop me wearing certain clothes because I would be conscious of what people may say about me, it has stopped me from singing in a choir because of my fears of singing in front of people, it has stopped me building friendships and telling people how I really feel about them because of my projected fear of how they may respond. And the big underlying fear was and sometimes still is that people may reject me and that I'm not being liked for who I am. And in my attempts to avoid this from happening I would put on many different masks to please others, to be liked and accepted.
So, for me this blog (and the Forgiveness Project) is a massive step towards living by my value of being authentic, of being real and sharing myself with others. When I write, I write from my heart, no masks, no fakeness. That's why I needed to say out loud about my fears of not writing 'insightful' posts every day and to remind myself that I'm special, valuable and loveable regardless of the quantity and quality of my posts or the entire blog for this matter.
Wow, writing this has just helped me to return to a very loving place within my self. I guess sometimes it is quiet important to remind oneself of the value we have deep within us that cannot be measured by worldly means. It is pure, innocent and loving, it is given from the higher power outside ourselves and it is there in abundance.
With this in mind and heart I wish everyone a lovely sunday evening and a good night.
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