Day 5 of TFP

First of all i need to let go of how annoyed I'm feeling right now about wasting so much time trying to format my blog and organise it so that anyone who clicks on the start page is not bombarded with lengthly posts. I just spend at least 2 hours on that flipping webpage and all I managed to do is to finally figure out how to create another header.....i am officially the worst techno retard that ever walked the planet (please excuse my not 'PC-ness' but there's no other name for it). Arrrghhh.....

Anyway, this is the beauty of writing a post on forgiveness. I have a choice now to either hang on to it and really dwell on the fact that I just spent (no not spent, wasted!!!) 2 hours on something so trivial, or I can look at it through different eyes. I could thank myself for the endurance, patience and commitment that I have shown by sticking to something even though it frustrates me and touches on some old beliefs that I used to have about myself, e.g. being stupid.

Hmmm, I guess the choice is pretty obvious. And thinking about this a little more, what comes to me is that the reason why I stuck with it was because I wanted to work it out, I wanted to go beyond the struggle and see what comes out the other end. I had a goal, an intention and I went for it despite the obstacles. I suppose this doesn't just apply to formatting a webpage but to many other situations that I encounter in life. Isn't it amazing how actually every little moment can be a reflection of the 'bigger' life itself if we only take a moment and really connect with what we are making this moment mean.

This is another example of how I have a choice in how I perceive the world and everyone in it including myself. For example, for a long time I held the belief about myself that I have no endurance and never stick with anything especially not when it required some work and perseverance. And what I would usually do is to quit and try something new until I hit the same point, the same wall again. And again. And again.

I would secretly admire everyone who would show a real commitment to their hobby, who's been a relationship for more than 2 years (yep, that's usually my cut-off point), or someone who shows real dedication to something despite immense difficulties. Yes, I admire these people and always wanted to be like them. I always wanted to stick with something, for once. Anything.

So, this is where I'm coming full circle now because what I have learned about myself from this brief moment (well a brief moment that lasted 2 hours) is that I actually do have perseverance. I am committed and I can stick to something once I put my mind to it and I do follow through with it despite challenges. I have all the qualities that I only saw in others and not in myself. Now I know that they were all inside of me all along (otherwise I wouldn't have been able to spot them in others) and that I am making good use of them.

And here are the things I have and will continue to commit to:
- going running (been doing that for the past 6 years (some months more often than others)
- to practice yoga (been doing that for 2 years)
- actively continue to maintain friendships (since about 2 years)
- am a student of A Course in Miracles (about 9 months)
- am committed to be authentic and to the innocence in everyone (that's the hardest one, 10 months so far)
- oh and I started to go to a choir and take Tango lessons (because I always wanted to learn how to sing and dance)


Isn't life amazing when we look at it with a different mindset, a mindset that is based on love, openness and curiosity?  I love how my attempts of changing my thinking and perceiving the world is impacting on how I feel about  others and myself and what incredible tools this is giving me to fully experience REAL LOVE, REAL JOY and REAL CONNECTION.

Thank you ACIM and CM.