Delayed Post on Day 2 of TFP

Right so i’m already starting to get behind with my posts and its only just day 2. Great. Well I suppose i better forgive myself quickly for that and remind myself that not posting for one day is NOT a reflection of my commitment to this project and does NOT make me a bad person. In contrast, I’m perfectly imperfect and a wonderful being (that is actually something a stranger said to me the other morning when i was running....what a lovely thing to hear first thing in the morning :-).

Anyway, what i really wanted to share about forgiveness yesterday was actually more in relation to gratitude. Yesterday I made a huge discovery and it totally blew me away. So much so that i had tears of happiness in my eyes and had to explain to my mum that these are not tears of sadness (which is usually the case when she sees my crying) but tears of joy and happiness. And that touched her so much that she joined in, and there we were, mother and daughter weeping together in appreciation of life and of our journeys that led us to a place where we can appreciate EVERY aspect of life (especially its challenges).

Gosh, i’m getting a bit side-tracked here, focus Anna, this is a project about forgiveness not gratefulness.....but these 2 concepts appear to be closer related than i initially thought. well, too be honest, i never actually thought about these two things together and that there could be a correlation (sorry, but that’s my scientific streak coming out) between the level of forgiveness and the extend of gratefulness that one might experience as the result of it. 

So yesterday was the day the penny really dropped for me (it was more like a $100 bill in a coin version). I felt so much gratitude for where I am in my life right now, for the things that im doing - things i always wanted to do but never did (because i choose to stay in my littleness and not in my magnificence), for the wonderful people in my life, for my health and incredible body that just keeps on healing and healing despite all the harm i’ve caused it for years. But most of all i felt grateful for my ability to actually really experience and feel all of it. i mean to soak up, hold and contain these feelings and to be so present with all of them. 

Then I realised that I would have never been able to see and fully experience all this beauty in my life if it wouldn’t be for the journey I had to take to arrive at where I am today. I  am grateful for every hurt I experienced (and there were frigging many), for every struggle I had to go through, for every pain and despair I had to experience. And this is were forgiveness comes in. I forgive all the people whose behavior I wrongly perceived and interpreted as causing me harm (yes, even the man in the door) and I want to thank you for giving me these opportunities to grow into the person I am today. Without all of you and what I experienced through you I am who I am right now. And I really like it. Really like me!

And this is how forgiveness links with gratefulness. For me anyway. I know its been a rather long post but i think once one starts thinking about this kind of stuff it’s like a door’s beeing opened and penny-drop moments just keep happening.

For anyone who actually did manage to read the whole thing I want to say thank you and I’d love to hear about your thoughts/experiences on the relationship of forgiveness and gratitude.....

So, give your self a big hug and appreciate the magnificence of your beautiful being (yes, especially BECAUSE of all your lovable imperfections) and be )even just a little bit) grateful for all your ‘opportunities’ to grow - because that’s what al our struggles actually are. Do you feel your grievances shrinking? ....... (if not try again).........(and again).  :-)